You know that feeling when you've finished a marathon with exactly zero training, and you're like "This is too easy. I gotta start challenging myself."
Yeah no. Me neither.
I did however, run a marathon with no training. (pro tip: don't do that). For the longest time after I told myself - Never. Again.
But then, after an appropriate amount of time, the strangest thing happened. I had this urge. It hasn't gone away since. It is a feeling of emptiness. Like, yeah, it was tough. But it wasn't that tough. Bear with me while I try to put this feeling into words.
I cannot seem to figure out why I want to push myself further. Is it an ego thing? It's probably part of it. But there is more to that. I live life with a feeling of always looking forward to the next hurdle. I have this attitude that nothing is impossible. So when it is one challenge accomplished, on to the next. Without that, what's the point of it all? There is an expiry date to doing dumb shit that society endorses that could get you killed. Gives you a ton of street cred, even. I want to check every single one from the list while I can.
So what is the next stupid shit I want to do? Ironman. I did the run with no training. I have swam 6km in the sea (with fins, but still. The race is only 4).
It's the cycling bit that truly scares me. 180km. That distance is no joke. Especially given the only serious cycling I have done is going in those couple-bikes at East Coast Park with my family when I was 12. There is also the the part where you do it all back to back. But I know that this time, it will require some serious training. No stay-up-the-night-before-to-watch-the-Arsenal-game-then-go-run-42km-at-4am nonsense. It will require some serious sacrifice, determination, and a heck of a lot of grit.
I know I have it in me. But there is this fear. I am afraid that this hurdle will be the one I can't cross. I'll have met my match, reached my limit. That is a really, really frightening thought. Scared shitless to the point I'm not willing to even start.
These days, I finding myself looking up second hand bikes on carousel. Every day. Most of them are too short for my frame. At 6 feet, I am a minority in the road biking community of Singapore. Chinese men are short, ergo: bikes are short. I don't see many good options.
Also who knew how ridiculously expensive bikes can get? A good bike is a couple of thousand dollars. Yeah. For 2 wheels with a little string connecting them and a butt rest in between.
But one of these days, I'm gonna find the perfect bike. I will know it when I see it.
Then there will be no turning back.